fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
