im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
