i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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