this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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