were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
