She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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