Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
