just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
