Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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