The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
