Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
