apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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