I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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