you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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