Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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