I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
