first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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