Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just had sex on a roof
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
