I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
