we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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