I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
