i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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