DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
