So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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