i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
