If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
