I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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