I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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