She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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