Me. At least after what I've been through.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
