Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
