I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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