WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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