I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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