Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's always time for handjobs
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
