i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
