i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
