He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
