you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
