saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
