therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
