it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
