I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He better not be in your backpack
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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