He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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