i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
