My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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