You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
