fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
