I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
