New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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