from now on my penis is your penis
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
