wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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