did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
