i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
