Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
