The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
