The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
