oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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