A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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