The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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