There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
