i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize