Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
