i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
