i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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