I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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