I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My liver just had a heart attack.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
