i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
