So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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